My weight loss suggestions

After some thoughts about the pervasive idea that the less you weigh, the better you are, I wanted to come up with a few sure-fire ideas for weight loss.

- Starve yourself. The downside is that it's really hard, and it's painful. The up side is that everyone will commend you on your discipline and willpower.

- Get Cancer. As your body slowly wastes away to nothing, people will admire your fabulous thinness. And really, isn't that what's important?

- Smoke cigarettes. The stimulant effect of the cigs will help you burn calories, and you can just ward off hunger with a smoke. Plus, running outside to light up will give you exercise. Don't forget to take the stairs!

- Develop a cocaine habit. Like with cigarettes, the stimulant effect will burn more calories, plus it suppresses the appetite!

- Infect yourself with tapeworms. It's like having a pet, but on the inside! What will you name yours?

- Amputate something non-essential to life. You'll certainly weigh less without one of your legs or arms. Get your appendix, gallbladder, and anything duplicated (lung, kidney, ovary) removed. You don't need them, and why carry around extra weight? It's quick, but expensive. People already get their stomachs removed for this purpose; why not take it a step further?

- Die. As decomposing organisms devour your body, your beautiful, thin skeleton will be left clean, shiny, and perfect. Isn't that what we're all striving for? As thin as possible?

These solutions don't make sense, but neither do many of the bizarre weight loss regimens out there. Some other thoughts I have:
- Why is horizontal growth the only type that we abhor? We can limit a person's height through malnutrition. After all, excessive height is associated with heart problems--people with acromegaly (Andre the Giant, Matthew McGrory) often die young of heart failure. Extreme examples, yes? But so are the examples of large people that are often used in obesity scare tactics. Someone who is 500+ pounds is NOT comparable to someone who is 200 pounds.

- Why is it that we only advocate limiting calories for weight loss? Oxygen is needed for metabolism as well. If we limit our oxygen intake by inducing asthma, surgically limiting, removing, or obstructing the lungs, or by using devices such as corsets, I bet we would lose weight! The need to breathe is natural, and we would not consider interfering with that to lose weight. So why on earth do we view the signal to take in calories (hunger) as a bad thing to be obliterated, or nobly endured?

This hasn't been a terribly coherent entry, but it contains some of the scattered thoughts and notes that I have had the past few days.