Big Buts, Part Three: Forces of Attraction

"But you want to force people to find fat people attractive!"

I have seen this numerous times, including several references to size positive advocates as "Fat Acceptance Thugs", trying to force thin, "fit" people to be attracted to us. Yet another straw man, of course, created out of whole cloth (to mix a metaphor with a fallacy); a rather pathetic attempt to make size positive advocates look like fascists who dictate what is and is not attractive. The most egregious part of this fallacy is that people who say this are attributing a level of power to the FA movement that is literally impossible.

What are they imagining here? Let me think of some scenarios:
- Fat people in a circle surrounded by candles, the air thick with incense, and a thin victim tied spread-eagle to an altar in the middle. The fat people chant something in arcane languages, casting a spell on their victim, forcing the innocent soul to only lust after people who weigh over 300 pounds.

- Fat people in a secret laboratory, concocting powerful pheromones to wear, giving everyone around them NO choice but to tackle them and start humping away until they die from exhaustion.

- Fat people kidnapping thin folks and subjecting them to chemical and psychological brainwashing, then releasing them once they are sure the victims are only interested in sex with fat people.

- Fat people going house to house with guns and torture equipment, threatening and waterboarding anyone who does not have sex with at least one of them.

Yeah, I don't think so. Look, you idiots (yeah, I know two ad hominems don't make a right, but c'mon, it's not FAIR to take the high road every time), no one is forcing you to find anyone attractive. No one! Attraction is not something that can be forced. It is not something that can be chosen, either. What we ARE asking is that YOU don't badger US into changing ourselves to be attractive to you. If you aren't interested, then let's go our separate ways, and we'll each find someone else.

Another thing we'd like is for you to stop fucking pestering people who DO find us attractive. If your buddy is interested in or dating a fat person, don't be an ass about it. Let your friends make their own decisions about relationships. Why is it so important to you to humiliate your friend for having a relationship with someone whom YOU consider unattractive? Sounds like you're forcing someone to be attracted to the kind of person you choose, doesn't it?

Here's another thing we'd like you to do: Stop being rude to us. Fine, you aren't attracted. Whatever. That doesn't mean you have to humiliate us, scream nasty names at us, or otherwise be uncivil. If we express an interest in you, and you don't feel the same way, just say so, and move on with your life. If we aren't expressing an interest in you, then why the hell are you bugging us about what we look like anyway? Just leave us alone. If we're being polite to you, how about being polite in return? If we are ignoring you, why not ignore us in return? Why is that so much to ask?

Finally, even if I had the ability to force someone to find me attractive, I wouldn't want to do it. I would rather have natural attraction--and on all levels. Mental, emotional, physical--and yes, believe it or not, some people (a lot of them, in fact!) are attracted to me, a fat woman. I didn't club my first husband over the head and drag him to the altar by the hair. I didn't drug the second one and cackle madly as he unwittingly wed me in a stupor. Both were attracted to my fat ass, physically and otherwise (and I won't go into the details of my divorce, but it was amicable and sad, and had nothing to do with physical attraction or fat; we just weren't right for each other, and it took us a while to figure that out). My current husband still requires no drugging, blackmailing, or regular beatings to keep him interested in me. So get over yourselves already.

So no, no one is "forcing" you to be attracted to anyone. Even if we wanted to, which we don't, we don't have the power. Even if we had the power, it wouldn't be worth it to have someone who wasn't interested on their own. All we want is some basic respect--you don't have to be horny for us, but for god's sake, could you use some manners?