Thursday, July 3, 2008

Dealing with fatophobe trolls is like this

I have come up with the following to demonstrate what it is often like for me when people "challenge" the things I say in my blog.

Me: I have discovered that 2+2=4

Them: Wow, you're ignorant. Everybody knows that 3+8=11.

Me: I'm not denying that 3+8=11, but that does not have anything to do with 2+2=4.

Them: Oh my god, you are SO stupid for saying that 6+1=12!

Me: I never said that! All I said was 2+2=4!

Them: There you go again, trying to say that 7+6=147.39!

Me: What the hell are you talking about?! All I said was 2+2=4!

Them: Don't try and change the subject--why don't you just admit that you were wrong when you said that Hawaii was in France?

Me: What?! Are you on crack?!

Them: Oh there you go with ad hominem attacks, the last resort of an ignorant fool who thinks that horses are reptiles!

Me: OMGWTF?!?!?!

Them: Why are you getting so emotional? Maybe if you calmed down, you could think more clearly, and then you'd see that I'm right.

Me: Why don't you fuck off and die so I can have some peace?

Them: What are you doing? Help! This woman is crazy and should be locked up, she's trying to kill me for no reason!

Later, Them: You know, you should have been more polite and tried to educate me about 2+2=4 instead of flying off the handle. You win more flies with honey than vinegar.

Me: *banging head against wall until it mercifully explodes*

Them, smugly: See, she was obviously unstable. I knew it from the beginning.

17 comments:

DawnD said...

Yes. That.

I'm sorry you are dealing with that. However, I will say that I often find what you have to say interesting, pithy and highly worthwhile.

Hopefully the fact that many people are apparently getting good out of your blog will help make 2+2=5 for you on occasion, to provide some balance to the rest of it. ;^)

bald-soprano said...

*chortle* This just made my day. Seriously. To have my day made at noon is nearly unheard of. Thank you.

boobsihazthem said...

That is class! So perfectly done :D

nuckingfutz said...

OMG Rio.... I heart you right now. :)

Rachel said...

Ha! I needed an early-morning laugh. Thanks!

Kate Harding said...

Ha! Right on.

Limor said...

That was AWSOME!

Tiana said...

Thank you for making me laugh. :D It's so true!

Twilightriver said...

First, that is brilliance! Utterly spot on.

Second, I learned long ago that the the only response a troll needs is, "DELETED!"

I've found that most of them make two attempts before giving up and searching for places they will get the attention they so desperately crave.

onceupon said...

And this is why I don't approve troll comments at The Rotund.

FashionableNerd said...

I am so sorry you're dealing with trolls. But this was absolutely hilarious. Just the thing I need before I go to work this evening.

Deus Mechanicus said...

Oh my gods.
you just perfectly described dealing with my family. ~nascent fat activist in a family of fatphobes. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~

violet_yoshi said...

It's like they say in 1984. "Freedom is the ability to think 2+2=4

bilt4hugin said...

Rori U Rock! Excellent post but there is one thing I'd have to correct you on. I mean, it's a well known fact that you win more files with titanium than you do with existentialism.

hal said...

this sounds frighteningly like nearly all the conversations i have on social matters with my father. who unfortunately seems to get his news and information strictly from monopoly daily newspapers, reader's digest, and his crazy church.

way too familiar. and very chortle-worthy, THANK YOU for posting it, i needed a laugh!

Linda said...

Oh my god, that was fantastic. I laughed so hard. Thank you.

Athena said...

Brilliant!