Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Rape can happen to anyone, and it isn't the victim's fault

A powerful guest post from livejournal friend aebhel, on physical appearance and rape:

Seriously, if I hear the phrase "too ugly to get raped" one more time, I am going to flip the fuck out.

For the all the ignorant misogynist morons out there,

1. Ugly women get raped. Pretty women get raped. Toddlers and grandmothers, women in wheelchairs, women with mental handicaps, bitchy women, smart women, stupid women, drunks, sluts, and nuns--they all get raped. Rapists do not go after women because they were so overwhelmingly turned on that they just couldn't help themselves. They go after women because they hate women and want to humiliate them, and raping a woman is a pretty good way of telling her that she's worthless as a human being.

2. Every single rapist is capable of stopping. Whether it's the stranger who jumps out of the bushes or (more likely) the guy who's had a few too many getting his date alone, they're all capable of stopping. If a policeman or the girl's parents wandered onto the scene, you can bet your ass he'd be able to stop. The fact that he doesn't stop when he's told to means that he doesn't want to, not that he can't.

3. Pretty women don't deserve to get raped because they 'must know they turn guys on'. Ugly women don't want to get raped because 'there's no other way they're going to get laid'. Having a rape fantasy does not mean that a person wants to actually be raped, any more than being into BDSM means that a person actually wants to be tortured.

4. You cannot and should not try to define a woman's worth on the basis of whether or not complete strangers are interested in jerking off to her pictures.

5. And finally, even handsome men can be rapists. They don't rape women because they can't get laid in other ways (many of them have wives or girlfriends), they do it because they're sick, fucked up individuals.

I can't believe any of that actually needed to be said, but the evidence all suggests that it did.


vesta44 said...

I don't remember where I heard it, but If I recall correctly, rape is not about sex, it's about power. It's about showing a woman just how powerless she is against a man. That he can do what he damn well pleases to her and she can't stop him. That's one of the reasons that rape doesn't necessarily have to be physically violent, it can be emotionally/verbally pushing and pushing and pushing a woman who is saying no until she gives in, even though she still is screaming no inside. It takes a really sick fuck to do that (I know men have been raped too, but I don't have any experience with that, I just have a woman's perspective on it).

onceupon said...

As Melissa from Shakesville has to say with depressing regularity: The presence of a rapist is why women are raped.

Andee said...

I can think of only one reason, and one reason only, why I as a nearly-200-pound woman might be less likely to get raped: I weigh more than a lot of rapists do, and therefore they might not think they are strong enough to take me. (And they might be right.)

But yeah, the fact that everything written here is not a "huge duh" for everyone is pretty damn sad. Rape is not a compliment. And they CAN TOO stop.

Andee (Meowser)

Jen said...

It is ***SO*** unnerving when (generally) chauvinistic, misogynistic men get it into their heads that rape is 'hot' and about sex and attraction, and that it would in ANY way be a compliment to a woman. The people who say this heinous trash...don't they realize they're talking about an ATTACK? A **SERIOUS CRIME** that is going to traumatize someone forever?! Fucking seriously!

aetakeo said...

Holy crap, Andee. That's setting off a whole interesting chain in my head about feminine ideals in misogyny.

Kira said...

That's so sad that she has to say that, but she obviously does. Vesta, everything I've read says the same thing - it's about power, and lording that power over others. Women of all ages (even infants and the elderly), sizes, and similarities to conventional beauty norms get raped. It's neither a compliment or an insult to your attractiveness - it's meant to put you in your place (which is, quite literally, beneath men).

Aetakeo, I think you and Meowser are onto something. I read an article about this recently, though I can't seem to find it (I believe it was linked through either Shakesville or Pandagon a few weeks ago). But there's a reason why the waif-thin look is so popular, as are those killer stiletto heels (or foot binding in other cultures) - it advertises vulnerability and helplessness. The culturally- and media-driven need for women to attain physical perfection, combined with the fact that most of us - by definition - never will, keeps women struggling to keep up and seek attention based on their looks, rather than their abilities, and keeps women physically weak, unable to challenge men. Call me a cynical feminist, but I really do think there's something to it.

aebhel said...

Wow, everyone--thanks for the responses and input, you've given me a whole lot more to think about.

Kira, if you happen to find a link to that article, I would love to read it.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the guest post. It's odd that I came about this post today too - I just got through reading about some political columnist who claims the high number of girls who get raped under 18 PROVES than all men likes young girls. Can you BELIEVE it? I won't post his name, because I've vomited enough today.

Mercurior said...

men can be raped as well, by women too.

it is all about power,



just to put the male survivor of rapes into perspective. All rapes are bad, male, female. at least know that it does happen to men as well. Men are not always the perpetrators, sometimes they can be the victims.

Rick said...

I'm against rape. Unless it's obese women. How else are they going to get sweet, sweet, cock? Too be honest, obese women who have been victims of rape have reported that the rapist wasn't able to penetrate their vaginas. There was to much gunt in the way. The rapist had to settle with fucking one of their many folds.

Anonymous said...

Rick, get help. You need it.

Fat Angie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Fat Angie said...

*because I screwed up, double post.*

I know this is an old post, but that's completely true. Rape isn't about attraction- it's about power. My rapist would have ruined my life whether I was 75lbs (which I was) or 175 lbs (which I am now). Rapists aren't overcome with attraction, they're filled with violence and hate.

And even seemingly nice guys can rape. My grandmother thought my ex was too nice a boy to rape me and I was lying. I was assaulted again (not a penetrative rape, thank God) by someone I'd always seen as a nice guy. Again, it's a power play.

The only exception I can see is if both parties are too drunk or high to consent. (Notice I did not say only one party- I said both parties. Obviously, if the guy is nursing a beer while pumping a girl full of long island iced teas, there's something unsavory going on.)

Rape is a crime not only of the body, but of the soul. And anyone who would say something idiotic like Rick should learn a little compassion.

Anonymous said...

Angie. You should weigh 75 lbs now. You know, to ensure your emo fag boyfriend will love you.