Tuesday, January 22, 2008

I need a big fat favor!

Show me the love!

In preparation for tomorrow's "Big Buts" post, I would like my fat readers to please post about their current relationships. If you're brave enough to post a photo of you and your significant other, that would also be great! If you're not fat, but you are in a relationship with someone who is (or have been in the past), I want to hear about that, too!

Tell me as much or as little as you like!

If you are not currently in a relationship, tell me whatever you want about your past relationships, if any, or, hell, anything you want to say about relationships in general.

Thanks in advance, my dears :)


Mercurior said...

i met my now wife on the bigfatblog, i wasnt looking for anyone and neither was she.

She had had an awful day felt as if no one liked her she had no friends,, we had previously been leaving messages on the board, and i felt i need to talk to her to say she has a friend in the UK (she lived and still lives in america) we started talking and 8 months later i flew oever to her to meet her and i knew for a fact she was the one.

we got married on the 31st of october last year, just over 3 years after we first met, she has come over here i have been there.

and here is a picture of the 2 of us


Tori said...

Oddly enough I was going to try and write about this very subject in my own blog, because I feel like my current relationship is really wonderful, in the sense of helping me feel really happy and accepted in my body right now.
I am 5'6" and hover around 240, with a boyfriend a few inches taller and slightly heavier than me. Despite our differences and my insecurities (and I am a very different and insecure person!) I never felt that he found me unattractive, and he's never encouraged or "suggested" I lose weight, but has been absolutely wonderful in accepting me as I am, dorky, insecure, "obese" and all.
This has done wonderful things for my self-esteem, because as much as I hate it, my self-worth relies heavily on how I am viewed by others, especially those I care about. Having a boyfriend who makes me feel beautiful, sexy, and wanted (and whom I find just as appealing) has helped immensely in getting over the "I have to be skinny to be a worthwhile person!" mountain.

(I apologize for the incoherency, here; I know my sentences aren't parsing quite like they should, but it's late, and I know if I don't comment right away, I never will.)

Zoe said...

Hi, I found this blog via the fatfu RSS feed!

I met my current man - which is pretty casual, but we are exclusive - when he was a student at a language school I taught at. We met socially a couple of times before starting to casually date.

He's Japanese, and clearly appreciates me for who I am; we actually had a sort of fat acceptance talk the other day, where he said that as long as I'm happy with how I look, he's happy. He's a few inches taller than me, and fairly buff :)

And here's a pic of us:


Having just been drenched on the Jurassic Park ride as Universal Studios Japan.

Hope this is helpful to you!

Ndizhone said...

Wow! Someone just met my sweetie of five months and asked, in conspiratorial tones, "Where is he FROM?" I looked at her blankly. "Richmond?" (We live in Virginia.)

"No," she said, "I mean, where is he from, from?"

"Uh, I think he was born in Bon Secours Hospital?"

The "from" issue is because he's "Asian." And I'm not. He's 5' 11" and he's a size small/medium. I'm 5' 8" and 200 pounds. So not only are we 'interracial' (which I seemingly fail to notice as much as my friends notice it) but we're 'mixed fat.'

Lordy, lordy! Call the police! He says I'm beautiful, and for once in my long self-conscious fat-obsessed life I believe him.

MCH said...

My partner of six years and I met at a community organizing meeting when I was 20 years old and 210 pounds. I attempted to slither in late (like a 5'8" tall size 18 loud-voiced hand-talker can ever slither anywhere unnoticed) and she was rapt for the rest of the night.

Today she's 5'11" and about 160; I'm still 5'8' but I weigh 250. I continue to feel insecure about the difference in our sizes sometimes--for god's sake she's 5'11" and 160 pounds!--but six years later, I'm proud to say that we're happy together and attracted to each other.

I still wonder, though, about where we get our "types." I'm a fat feminist lesbian--who better to embrace fat positive sexiness? But my last girlfriend was 5'10" and 135 pounds. In fact, I've never been with anybody remotely zaftig. Am I traitor to the cause?? I guess you can't help who you love.

bigmovesbabe said...

I met my now-husband on craigslist, in the casual encounters section (oh, yeah). His intelligent kink met my articulate kink online, and we got together in person after a month of correspondence. After our first date, he wrote me and say "you surpassed my expectations by orders of magnitude" (because he's that kind of science geek).

We casually encountered each other for a few months (with the encounters getting more frequent), then the word "love" got used. Then we dated proper for a couple of years. Then he moved across the country for work. Then I followed and moved in with him. Then we got married on May 6, 2005. Here is a picture of the two of us on the plaza at Boston City Hall.


As you can see, I am taller, and bigger, and whiter than he is by a long shot. I'm 5'10" (not counting heels) to his 5'2"; I am 285 lbs to his 145. We get a lot of looks when we are out and about holding hands, and it would be so difficult to figure out what people are looking at that we don't even bother. (He is less aware of the gawking, I suspect because as a reserved, short South Asian man, he just doesn't draw that much attention and isn't even used to what attention feels like, whereas as I, as a flashy-dressing fattie, am used to the attention, yes, but also know when it's happening. An exhibitionist _has_ to know when people are voyeuring!)

My hubby isn't an FA, really, just a guy who knows that finding a woman who can more-or-less match him in the important areas (intelligence, passion for work [and the attendant late hours], enjoyment of food, and yes, kink)... Well, that was a one-in-a-billion chance. And when he found it, he had to take it.

He noted early on that I wasn't "his preferred morph". I shrugged and said, well, this is what you got. He apparently got used to it, because now he regularly and sincerely calls me the most beautiful girl in the world. And he has always loved to snuggle up in bed. Soft!

Nettle said...

I met my husband about fifteen years ago. We were friends for years before we became romantically involved. We've been married for about seven years. When I met him, I was a thin and athletic 20-year-old. By the time we became a couple, I was edging into the plus sizes, and these days I stay around a size 16.

He's 6'2 and about 150 pounds - he has the metabolism of a bumblebee. Back when we were "just friends" he always dated skinny girls. I used to be insecure about that but he constantly tells me that I look great and he claims to have no clue at all as to why I would have body image issues, since "you have such a great body." I love that about him.

I remember back when we first moved in together, I thought, "oh, I can lose some weight if I just eat the way this skinny guy does." Ha. That's when I started to really get it that body type is not a "lifestyle choice."

Rebecca said...

I met my now-fiance two years ago on an online dating site (Okcupid). I had recently lost a bunch of weight due to stress and anxiety, so I wasn't actually fat at the time, although I was still insecure because I wasn't really thin either. He thought I was gorgeous though, and we totally hit it off. After 6 dates, I decided I was going to marry this man.

As time passed and I was in a more happy and calm time in my life (partly thanks to him) I started gaining the weight back (now it's all back and more). I was so worried he would find me less attractive, but he doesn't, at all. He still tells me I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. He still tells me (and shows me ;)) how much he loves my body. On days when I'm down about my body, it helps so much to know that he thinks it's amazing.

After a year and a half of dating, he asked me to marry him. I said yes =) We're planning a wedding for next summer.

Here's a couple pictures:

hermionerhija said...

I met my fiance at a retreat center in the mountains in Washington in the summer of 2005. At the time, I was working on the lawn and gardens crew there, so I had brought along only my oldest, grubbiest clothes, and I wasn't paying any attention at all to how I looked or to any of the guys there. In fact it took me a few days to realize he was flirting with me, even though he was doing it in the most awkward-cute way. He was the guy who ever told me I was beautiful... I was 21 at the time.

We were originally planning that it would just be a "summer fling", because he lived in Washington state and I was living in Texas and going to school in Iowa. That didn't work out so well ;) Instead, we ended up doing the long distance thing for 2 years, seeing each other every few months or so.

I have to admit, there were times during that period when I was scared he would find somebody more attractive and give up on me for them. (Now, I only worry about him finding someone more confident, hah!) So far so good, though... Now we're living together in Chicago and every day I feel so blessed.

Right now, I'm about 205 lbs and 5'6", he's about 6'1" and 300 lbs. When we met, I was a bit more and he was a bit less - maybe 215 and 280, though I didn't ask his weight. Living together makes things a lot easier - we cook, walk places instead of driving, and feel good about ourselves. It's helped me realize that the only thing that makes my weight change significantly is stress or an unhealthy emotional environment - those will both make it skyrocket, and it will go right back down as soon as things start getting better. Next step: getting rid of the scale!

Tari said...

Well....I'm currently sort of casually seeing a couple guys (commitment-phobic? maybe). ((I know, a fatty has more than one prospective partner? Say what?!)) One I met through....craigslist, or maybe myspace, I can't keep track. The other I met at a coffeeshop.

Both are around 6' tall; one is probably around 300 pounds (same as me), the other is probably hovering a little over 200 or so.

I'd post pictures, but we're not quite at that "couples pictures" stage. Thank the gods!

vesta44 said...

I met DH online. I had forgotten I had a personal ad on Yahoo until I got an email from him saying he thought I sounded like his kind of woman (his step-son set him up on Yahoo and he got tons of matches). I looked at his pic and emailed that I'd like to get to know him. He emailed back with his cell phone number. I waited a couple of weeks to call him, I wasn't sure I wanted to do a long-distance romance (he lived 3 hours away from me and I thought I didn't have the time for all the driving involved). But I finally called him, and we ended up talking for a couple of hours. We talked almost every night for an hour or more for a couple of months, then decided to meet in person (at a casino). It was love, we walked around holding hands, and necked in the elevator like a couple of teenagers (I was 52 and he was 50 at the time). So anyway, he proposed, I said yes, and we got married in Dec of 2006 (met in June that year). He's 5'10" and 242 lbs, I'm 5'8" and 382 lbs and size isn't an issue for either of us (I came home from a physical right after we got married and was all upset because I weighed 40 lbs more than I thought I did, and he told me that if I weighed 600 lbs he'd still love me). I don't have any pics of us yet (one of his step-kids took pics at our wedding but hasn't gotten around to putting them on a cd for us yet).

Bacon's Mom said...

I met my now-husband at Denny's, of all places. His best friend was a manager there, and his best friend was dating my best friend, so we spent a lot of time thrown together before we were together.

At the time, I was a size 12, because I waited tables for a living and got roughly 7 hours of excercise a day. I've since had a child and settled into staying at home and a size 20, and he loves my body as much as he ever did. Though he's "normal" sized, he's always preferred a big woman.

I have to say, in the beginning, I wondered what people thought when we went out. He's so handsome, and I still thought I was terribly fat and wasn't trying hard enough to get down to a "healthy" weight, that I thought people might assume we were siblings, or just friends, because obviously the good-looking guy wouldn't ever want the fat chick.

I've grown more secure over the course of the relationship, and not just because of the wedding rings. He loves me, and he shows it in every way. He's truly helped me to love me, too, and when I found FA, I was ready to accept myself because he'd already accepted me.

Our wedding photo: http://tinyurl.com/37e7pr

Erishkegal said...

Hubby and I met online, on a messageboard known as the "last bastion of intelligent discussion on the internet" -- I didn't take it very seriously at first, because he was in Northern California and I was in Northern Ontario. Still, I liked him, and we talked for a few months before realizing we were both completely smitten. We started talking in June 2003 and became exclusive in September,he came to visit for the holidays that same year, and we were so happy together that I never let him go home. We were married in August 2004 and we're continuing down the road to Happily Ever After.

I was at my heaviest when we met, mainly because I was depressed and living on ready-to-eat meals (I seriously can't cook at all). Since he's been cooking for me, just over four years, I've settled into pants three sizes smaller, and he's said on many occasions that he loved me the same at both sizes, because I'm me and I'd be the hottest woman he's ever known at any size.

Here's a link to a picture of us just after I performed a friend's wedding this past June:

JeanC said...

Been married now a bit over 14 years, met my hubby as a science fiction convention in Vancouver BC and we were hitched withing 5 months. Funny thing was, I'd gone up to spend the weekend at the con with someone else :D

I was 250 at that time, hubby was thinner (tho thanks to health issues, he's gained some and I think he is still as sexy as ever). I've got pics of me here:


Hubby doesn't like his picture taken, but here is one :D :


(both tinyurls go to my Flickr account for anyone who is leery of clicking on such links)

Erishkegal said...

Oops, my apologies for the non-functional link. Trying again:
Amanda Z. and Kyle C.

*crosses fingers*

Shira said...

I met my husband through mutual friends. We were both staying overnight at their house, and because I figured I had no chance of him being interested in me whatsoever, I was completely open about everything and even showed him my legs - which had not been shaved for over a month (I have PCOS and lots of coarse black hair), and which, due to a disorder called lipoedema, are absolutely massive - 24 inch calves, 35-inch thighs, that sort of thing. He did. not. care. He told me he was in love with me 8 hours after we started talking, which was massively out of character for him. We were living together within 2 months, and married within 18 months. We've now been married for 15 months and despite having been through more in our not-quite-3 years together than many couples go through in 30, we're still sickeningly in love and our relationship gets stronger all the time.
He's been great about coming with me to doctor appointments and when they question my eating habits, telling them that his diet has improved greatly since I turned up, and that he eats twice the amount I do. Amazing (and infuriating, and saddening) what having a well-spoken thin man will do for the credibility of a fat woman in the eyes of doctors.
As you can see from the photos, he's 6'5" and around 165lbs, I'm 5'8" and around 265lbs (I've gained around 30lbs since we got together). For the first time ever (and in no small part thanks to finding fat acceptance/HAES blogs), I can believe it when I am told that he finds me beautiful and will still be attracted to me even if I double in weight again.

Here are a couple of photos.

Diana said...

My husband and I met online (do I smell a trend, girls?). I had posted a picture, and was as honest as possible that I was "curvy", but I hadn't embraced (or heard of) the FA movement, and was not entirely sure that I would be found attractive by someone I found attractive (I really like the skinny geeky boys).

It hasn't mattered one bit to him. When we met, I was 5'8" and running about 225 - he is 5'10" and around 160. When we were getting intimate, and I expressed my (many, varied) feelings about my body, he couldn't even believe it was an issue - I was beautiful just as I was, and always would be to him.

It helped that his sister has had weight issues all her life, and he has watched her struggle through. She's had all sorts of health issues (not fat-related) and even had WLS a few years ago, which almost killed her. Having watched his sister go through all that, my husband has repeatedly told me that all he wants is for me to be healthy - whatever that looks like - so that we can be together for as long as possible.

Through the time we've been together, he has NEVER said a negative word about my choices, my body, or whatever "diet" I was on that day, nor did he say anything the day I announced I was done with diets - forever - and would learn to love myself as is.

In the past, his chief complaint about me is that I was so hard on myself - now that I accept myself as a fat girl, that has translated to many other areas of my life, and I am much more laid back. And so, so much happier.

I am so blessed to have a man in my life that is accepting and supportive. When I tell him that, he tells me I deserve it - and he's right. When I tell him I'm lucky, he always replies, "WE'RE lucky." We are.

One of our engagement pictures:

TropicalChrome said...

I'm another one who met her husband online...but 15+ years ago, back when no one knew about the internet and everyone was so SURE that the people who hung out there were oooh, dangerous and meeting people that way was edgy and weird. We've been married for 13 years. I was considerably larger when we married, he was smaller, but as we all know these things are variable.

I'm a bonafide internet dinosaur, and I have to say that back in the day simply being female on the internet was like being at a buffet - if you were even in the least bit intelligent, you ended up with more male attention than you (well, I) knew what to do with. Let's just say for awhile there I had a really good time!

(Sorry there are no pictures, but that's because I'm shy.)

agenthner said...


The first photo is my wedding. When we met I was about the size I am now (250 lbs more or less) and he was a twig. Over the year or so we were dating I got much heavier. He proposed I got even heavier then ill and back down a bit... but I think we both look amazing in the photos from our wedding. My favorite line from any song? "I'm like a baby, she's like a cat... when we are happy we both get fat." That's us! Fat and happy!!!


Below is from my birthday this summer. I chose to go *gasp* hiking and playing in the falls at Wintergreen park. Yep, a fat chick and her fat lover went hiking VOLUNTARILY. So there. ;)


Autumn said...

I'm currently in a casual relationship with a woman and a fling sort of situation with a man. (They know about each other, so all is on the up and up.) Like most people I date, they are attracted to me but are not exclusive fat-body fans. This is relevant, I think, because I am most certainly not just a "little" fat---I'm 5'5 and a U.S. 24/26. They both date a wide range of body types. They neither fetishize my fat, nor do they "just look past it." Both of them met me after I was already fat.

Like most of the people I date, they are also much closer to "average" weight than I am. (They're both actually a bit skinny, heh.) I have both an emotional and physical connection to each of them. Guy and I had a steamy romp while he was visiting--- Girl and I go out dancing and to dinner every couple of weekends.

I'll admit I'm a bit smug here--- I've busted the fat stereotypes wide open (har) by being 300 lbs and having not one romantic entanglement but two ;-)

Morte said...

i met my husband on IRC in 1997 we became close friends and then fell in love and didn't look back 8) it was a Robert Jordan fan channel we met in by the way (mmm geek love)

we've been married 7 years and next month marks a decade as a couple.

and gosh while i've been chubby-fat (i vary) our entire relationship and he's gained quite a bit of weight himself we still love each other and are happy.

here's a picture of us celebrating our anniversary last fall!


and here's our 1999 engagement picture


Heather said...

My fat self and my wonderful husband. He was the roommate of a coworker of mine, and we were acquaintances for years. Once we got to know each other, we were inseparable. We've been together for almost six years, and we've been married for just over two.

Maria said...

I count as chubby - im overweight but not in the obese range of the bmi.

Still, i want to comment because I need to add to the list of women who have men who LOVE their body, every single little detail of it. My fiancé thinks im perfect, my arms, my belly, my back, all the things im insecure about he finds the most attractive.

I remember him saying once, "Men just like women, exactly as they are. you dont need to change yourselves!"

Kira said...

Hi - I found this blog a couple weeks ago but have been lurking until now.

I met my current fiance online (like so many others here!). We met through eHarmony, hit it off immediately, but remained friends for several months until we were both ready for something more. We've been dating for a year now, and just got engaged over the holidays. In the time we've been together, I've gained, lost, and re-gained ~20 pounds; he's dealt with my work, which takes me out of the country for months at a time; and he's stood by me through a difficult situation following the reappearance of a controlling ex. Through it all he's loved me unconditionally, just as I am, and tells me how beautiful I am.

Despite being overweight/obese my entire life, I've never had any problems finding men, whether for serious relationships or one-night stands. After the breakup with the above-mentioned ex, I went through a period where I needed to experience what was "out there", so to speak (and rebuild my self-esteem - a f*$#ed up way to do it, I know!), and I was casually involved with, well, more people than I care to admit to. I had a couple bad experiences, to be sure - but who hasn't? Most men were happy with me as I was - an (outwardly) confident, sexy woman.

Kelly said...

I met my boyfriend through my blog. When I first started blogging, I was on Diaryland, and so was he. I joined a few rings, and he was in the one for people from our state (it wasn't a huge one). We commented on each other's blogs for a long time before we ever met in person (I invited him out several times, but he's shy - and the invites were just to come hang with a group and listen to a band or something similar. Heh.) During the time we were commenting, I had a few guys I was involved with. One was pretty fat, the other was a bodybuilder type. They were both good for different things. One of those assignations sort of faded away - it was never serious - and the other ended when he broke up with me by e-mail because I wouldn't move in with him. A few months after this, I finally convinced the current one to hang out in person. We spent about a week hanging out and talking for hours every night, and finally made the attraction official. We've been together for almost two years and are now talking about moving in together. I'm 5'9" and about 290, he's 6'3" and probably 325-ish.