Friday, January 18, 2008

I'll let you guys handle this one

Rick has left a new comment on your post "Your spouse is fat? Grow up and deal.":

Well, one thing is that when kids enter the equation, it is not that easy to "divorce" your spouse.

In your cherry-picking of facts, you omit that 1) the majority of poster on myfatspouse are women married to morbidly obese men and 2)morbid obesity, not a "mere" weight gain of twenty pounds.

I was fat, then exercised and ate healthy, and have stayed that way for thirty years.

But let's hear you go to the mat to find fat guys with beer bellies, wide butts, double-chins, manboobs, and sweaty skin "sexy." And shame women for not being eager to sleep with such guys. Fair is fair, after all.

Posted by Rick to She Dances On The Sand at January 18, 2008 8:25 AM

I guess it's okay in Rick's world to treat fat people badly as long as they are 1. male and 2. REALLY fat instead of a little chubby?

I reaaaaally want to see some good responses, friends :)

Edited to add:
I'm not "forcing" anyone to find me attractive. Somehow, my (omg) tall, lean, exceptionally good-looking spouse does so all on his own. But if he decided he wasn't attracted anymore, especially because I am fat? I want him to divorce me. Seriously.

And if he were to become fat, and grow man boobs? He's still my Brian, and nothing will change that.

I am, by the way, noting the grammar and spelling level on that site, and, as a result, realizing that many of the concepts of physiology, metabolism, and general biology are probably way too complicated for people who are at a third grade level of language arts. Oh noes, was that ad hominem? Tit for tat, children. Pun fully intended.

Second edit:
I just want to point out that I hadn't even HEARD of MFS until you nitwits linked to me. If you don't want the attention of size-positive bloggers, then you shouldn't link to us. Also, having read more of the site (and I'm so sorry I did, ugh), and seeing posts where someone focuses on her spouse's eating too much steak, and downplays his "punching walls and threatening me"? Dearie, fat isn't your problem, and you won't realize that until you have the good sense to get out of an abusive relationship. Good GOD.


Lindsay said...

I also noticed the rather frequent spelling and grammar issues on that site. I'm not much of a spelling/grammar fiend myself, but it was a bit painful.

One day, my Ben will be old. He will have grey/silver hair and a poochy belly and scraggly jowls and wrinkles, and it won't make a lick of difference in how much i love him. If anything, i'll love him even more then.

Every individual has a right to have their own preferences in what they find appealing in a partner. If you no longer find your partner appealing, then how it is resolved is ultimately up to the people involved. I can't tell anyone how to make their relationship work again. But if the only thing you find attractive about your partner is their appearance? Well, then it wasn't an incredibly solid relationship to begin with.

Rachel said...

I normally despise Oprah and her magazine, but an article reprinted on CNN yesterday actually made sense.

Writes Martha Beck:

My love for you will definitely change

...The reason is that everything -- and everyone -- is constantly changing. We age, grow, learn, get sick, get well, gain weight, lose weight, find new interests and drop old ones. Many people fear that if their love is free to change, it will vanish. The opposite is true. A love that is allowed to adapt to new circumstances is virtually indestructible.

And I very much value my husband who is in love with me and not superficial parts of me.

vesta44 said...

Yep, basing a relationship on appearance is sure to make that relationship last a good long time since no one ever changes their appearance in any way (do I need to say that that was sarcasm?). When DH and I met, I was fat and he had gray hair and was going a bit bald. I have a few gray hairs. He thinks he's fat (he has a belly and small man-boobs). Now, I just happen to like balding, gray-haired men, but that's not the reason I married him. I married him because I like his sense of humor, his intelligence, the way he treats other people, and because he's a cat person (if you don't like cats, you're not someone with whom I want to live). We have a lot in common, and I don't expect that will change in the coming years.
I can tell those people that if the only thing they have to bitch about with their partner is a weight gain, then they better grow the hell up and remember the person they married and why they married them. If that's not enough, then end the marriage so you can find someone you deserve and your spouse can find someone who accepts them the way they are and doesn't expect them to stay the same forever.

Mercurior said...

i am fat, my new wife is fat, i love every curve of her delicious form.

always been attracted to the large sized women skinny women unfortunatly never did anything for me. they always in my mind looked as if one sneeze would shatter them let alone anything fun;-)

but that was a second to intelligence, someone i can really talk too, about every subject that come from my warped mind. so i am lucky to have the perfect match of brains and beauty.

Anonymous said...

Rick is a troll. I wouldn't even dignify him with a post, much less posting his comment.

Some people want to live in ignorance and will fight for their right to stay in that position.

caragardner383 said...

Rant ahoy!

For the record, I have no problem with people who find fat people unattractive. I don't tend to find blonde guys attractive - and I believe that who we respond to visually isn't always a moral judgment.

That said, I've got to second your comments that if someone is unattracted to the point of a revulsion that the sheer fact of being in love with someone can't overcome, they have no business being in a committed relationship with that person. Yes, divorce is hard. Dieting, however, is damn near impossible for many, many people - so let's be realistic about how we choose to expect our partner to 'respect' us.

And as for going to the mat for fat guys - well. If I was single, I'd be going to the mat WITH fat guys, provided they were smart, funny, articulate and feisty enough to ring my bell. Likewise skinny guys with the same credentials ... maybe even if they were blonde. As it is, I'm married to a fabulous, sexy, wonderful guy who has been thin-ish and fat in the course of our long marriage. I've always been attracted to him, and have never taken any of the times he's become a stranger to his razor or the barber shop as a personal affront.

The thing is this: all human bodies - fat, thin, young, old - ALL of them, are sweaty, puckered, dimpled, hairy and imperfect. And if you choose to focus on the things that bother you (e.g. the dreaded 'man boobs') that's all you're going to see. If you really want to gross yourself out, I suggest buying a microscope, and then a plastic blow-up doll, because up close and personal, the human body is kinda gross. Even the plucked, preened, bleached, starved, 'perfect' ones.

I'm ranting, I know. It's just so sad how much gets missed when we focus on the changeable, imperfect, physical form.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and fat hate bingo!

Fat hate bingo!

How many did Rick hit?

thoughtracer said...

Oh fucking hell.

Dear Rick: Have you ever noticed the media's constant barrage of television shows where fat husband+skinny wife=great comedic TV? This is the staple of Prime Time. It seems that the Fat Man-Thin Chick paradigm is The One to be in, acording to the Laws of Pop Culture. Women throw themselves at fat men all the time, man boobs, sweaty skin folds, beer guts and all.

In fact, this paradigm exists in real life. I know a guy who is Fat As Hell who declared a woman "fuckable" only after she had weight loss surgery and dropped probably 100 pounds.

So I don't want to hear you complain, because we all know you're really talking about women.

See You In Hell,

Melena said...

My boyfriend is a big fat guy. Really big guy. He was fat when I met him, but he's even fatter now. I've been with this man for twelve years. And he's the best effing thing that's ever happened to me. He's also the best lay ON THE PLANET. He's got twice the stamina of any "athletic" skinny guy I've ever been with. Still fantastic after all these years. He's also gorgeous. If they allowed fat guys to model, he'd be one (and the ladies would be sooo lucky, IMHO). He's funny, charming, sweet, and attentive. Fat girls hit on him. Skinny girls hit on him. Girls who look like models hit on him. GUYS even hit on him. :D But he laughs at them, and smooches me in front of them. That's cause he's allllll mine.

I feel sorry for anyone who gives their significant other a hard time for gaining weight...sorry, but that's a chump move. If your spouse hates your weight gain, then the only thing you need to lose is your SPOUSE.

Stefanie said...

Like Melena said.

Vasilia R. said...

You and your husband are adorable - very "Ren Faire." :)

I've always taken the stance that someone else's weight is *none* of my business! I can't imagine the hubris (not to mention the underlying controlling personality disorders) of those that get completely emotionally overwrought regarding their partner's (not to mention some stranger's) weight! That's just so...bizarre to me. And inappropriate.

And rude!


Ollybeth said...

Is this the same Rick who was on Shapely Prose last week lecturing everyone on how sorry they'd be when they ended up fat and alone? The same one who uses his adolescent weight-loss as some kind of crowning achievement? (Because it's not as if children's bodies changes as they grow up or anything. My boobs are the product of discipline and hard work, damn it.) Sure makes sense he'd be hanging around that kind of forum, looking to justify his revulsion at the sight of a fat person.

Anonymous said...

Your spouse is really hot!

annaham said...

I really like how Rick assumes that all women are shallow when it comes to what their partner looks like, which isn't a sexist stereotype AT ALL. Sanctimonious jackassery is far more unattractive than anything else, "formerly fat" or no.

What an idiot, seriously.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry for engaging and causing any negative comments to come toward your blog. Hateful and "concerned" trolls tick me off to no end, and are the quickest way to tip off my pit of anger! I won't do it again, and I will stick to responding to your thoughtful and intelligent posts.